This happens a lot in Montréal, where so many people are bilingual in both French and English, and so many others are even multilingual.
If this switch has happened to you, or happens to you often, I would first ask: how do you feel in response?
I’ve spoken to many anglophones and allophones about this, some of whom aren’t in the least bothered, while others are quite hurt and dejected when this happens, and may experience strong feelings of linguistic insecurity.
If we do wish to continue the conversation in French after the switch, why is it that so many of us have a tendency to respond by continuing in English, even if we’d rather converse in French?
Sometimes this reaction is out of defeat: we may interpret the other person’s switch as evidence that our French isn't good enough. If we have this thought, it makes complete sense why we would then feel defeated.
Sometimes it’s out of a need for harmony – we have the belief that continuing in French after the other person responded in English would be overly assertive and potentially rude, even confrontational. So we too switch to English to avoid possible discomfort.
What doesn’t go away, when we cede to the other person’s switch, is the feeling of misalignment that we experience when our behaviour clashes with our values or needs. Sometimes this feels like a plummeting in our chest, or a pang in our stomach.
Coaching Tip: Reflect on what your needs are in this scenario. In other words, what is your reason for wanting to continue in French?
Perhaps you want to continue in French because you have a need to participate in the language and therefore culture. Perhaps you have a need for acceptance, to be heard and understood in this language that you’ve adopted, that is now part of your identity. Maybe you have a need for growth, and you’ve set yourself this challenge to speak in French.
Connecting with our own individual needs and values helps us determine our “why,” which is the first step on the journey towards grounding ourselves in our own choices.
After all, we cannot know the other person’s reason for switching to English unless we ask them – sometimes this switch happens out of convenience, or well-meaning assumptions.
We can only focus on how we respond – that’s the only thing that we are in control of, and yes, we do have the power to choose how we react.
I’d love to know, what is your experience with language switching? What is your biggest challenge or concern when this happens?
For anyone needing reassurance that they are not alone in this experience, check out Lauren Godfrey-Smith’s very insightful reflections on her time in Montréal in her article “On (re)claiming my bilingualism”
Interested in finding out more? Book a free consultation with me to see how I can help you speak French with confidence: