One day I was at a grocery store and the cashier, speaking in French, complimented me on my earrings, saying that she had the same pair. She was so friendly and clearly had the desire to chat.
Despite her welcoming energy, I froze. I really wanted to respond, but I couldn’t bring myself to do more than smile and say “merci.” From an outside perspective, it looked like I didn’t know any French.
The thing is, I’m actually bilingual, and having enough grammar and vocabulary was not what was holding me back.
This is what was actually happening: although I was linguistically equipped to respond, I started doubting myself. My mom had gifted me these earrings, and so I was going to say, “merci, ma mère me les a achetées.”
But when this sentence popped into my mind, it suddenly felt too complicated to actually say.
What if when I spoke, I accidentally switched the order of the indirect object pronoun (me) and the direct object pronoun (les)?
What if I tripped on all of these words and my message came out garbled?
What if the cashier’s smile faded and she looked perplexed, or worse, became closed off?
So, because I had all of these doubts, I closed myself off before she could, and just said “merci.”
I walked out of the store feeling so disappointed in myself, and that’s when the judgemental thoughts crept in:
Ultimately, I felt a deep-rooted sense of shame.
This is an example of the difference between having learned a language, and having the confidence to speak it.
In my coaching services, I help people who find themselves in authentic second-language speaking situations, but minimize themselves or go silent for so many reasons including self-doubt, self-judgement, and fear of making mistakes.
All of these judgements and fears usually connect to something deeper: a fear of rejection, or perhaps a fear of not being good enough. And it makes complete sense why we choose to stay silent as second-language speakers, when we have this belief that making mistakes means that we are lacking as individuals. The great news is that it's possible to shift our inner dialogue.
I love what I do as a linguistic resilience coach because I take my lived experience as someone who was born in a place whose official language is not my mother tongue (in my case, I’m an anglophone-quebecer), and I combine that with my experience in pedagogical advising, and now my tools as a coach, to help people who struggle with linguistic insecurity go from judgement and self-doubt, to courage and empowerment.
Interested in finding out more? Book a free consultation with me to see how I can help you speak French with confidence: