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When this topic comes up in conversation, I notice that our experience of mistakes can be very different depending on which language we’re speaking.
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Recently I was speaking to an anglophone friend who happens to be trilingual (English-French-Spanish). She was saying how harsh she would be on herself when she made mistakes in a second language, especially in French. She would become really judgemental and think things like “I’m getting rusty in this language,” or “I thought I was better than this but maybe I’m actually not that good.” Then, the next time she would speak French, she would feel very self-conscious and as a result, she would be less fluent.
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My friend’s experience was her own and thus subjective, whereas from my position as an objective observer, I knew that it wasn’t true that she was rusty or not that good in French. My friend and I speak French in various contexts, and I’ve witnessed her speaking French with many others. She has such mastery over the language, so it was easy for me to see how her beliefs about her own skills were not accurate.
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But then, when we spoke about making mistakes in our native language, English, our thoughts about our abilities were completely different. As a personal example, I was in a meeting the other day, speaking in English, and I completely fumbled a sentence. It was as if all of my words were thrown into a blender and came out incomprehensibly, until I just trailed off. I did feel embarrassed. But I also noticed that my first thought was “wow, I must be tired” and I actually found myself laughing, easily able to continue where I left off.
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Making a mistake is making a mistake – factually, it’s the same thing happening regardless of what language you’re speaking. So what explains the difference between these two vastly different reactions?

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It comes down to something that’s actually part of resilience: self-compassion. When we make a mistake and are able to acknowledge that we are tired or stressed, that’s self-compassion. When we make a mistake and react with judgement, shame, or impatience, that means that we are not being compassionate with ourselves.
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I’m curious to know – has this happened to you? If you have been low on self-compassion, has it shown up in ways similar to the story I shared above? Or are you actually less forgiving in your native language and more so in your second language? Why do you think that is?

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Interested in finding out more? Book a free consultation with me to see how I can help you speak French with confidence:
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