All too often as second language speakers, we find ourselves apologizing for so many things – for our accent, for making mistakes, for asking someone to repeat themselves, and the list goes on. Sometimes apology comes in the form of minimizing ourselves, or needing to justify our language use to others.
I used to work as a pedagogical advisor who would train French Second Language (FSL) teachers on the school’s curriculum. I always felt so stressed giving these two hour presentations entirely in French – not because I doubted my technical knowledge of the language, but because I felt like an imposter – I was, after all, an anglophone giving a training to highly competent French-speaking individuals who had years of experience teaching, and such mastery of the language.
I was worried that they would fixate on my accent, and become confused as to why I had a francophone name but didn’t sound francophone. I was scared of making mistakes in front of them, and therefore looking “unprofessional.” So, in order to offset my own language insecurities, I would always find a way to say that my background was in English language teaching. This wasn’t an outright apology, but it was a way to subtly say, “sorry, don’t expect too much from me,” or, “I’m only a second language speaker.”
Even though I would always find a way to announce that French wasn’t my first language, it would never sit well with me. This is because behind this way of minimizing myself was my own discomfort about being different, about being perceived as incompetent. I apologized because I anticipated judgement, even though inclusivity through embracing accents is one of my most cherished values.
When we apologize because we are a second language learner, others perceive our lack of confidence and may as a result disengage from the value that we are offering. When we’re giving a presentation or sharing information, our audience is there to learn something from us, to have access to a new perspective, to something that will facilitate their work or lives. They’re not there to count mistakes.
But if we go deeper, the most damaging part about apologizing for our accents or for making mistakes is that we’re apologizing for not being a native speaker.
We're apologizing for something arbitrary that was never in our control in the first place.
We’re apologizing for learning a language.
When we break it down like this, we can see it doesn’t actually make sense to apologize.
The thoughts that we choose to entertain have a direct effect on the emotions that we feel, and the way that we show up.
Coaching Reflection:
Behind all of our actions is a need. Think about the last time that you apologized when speaking a second language.
Ask yourself: “Why did I apologize?”
Did it come from a need to belong? To feel acceptance or reassurance?
How is this apology serving you? What is it protecting you from?
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